Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
