Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
