I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
