I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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