When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize