apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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