I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
