I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
