I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
