I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize