I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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