New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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