So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
