I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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