Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
