"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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