I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
