; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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