Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
