do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
