I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
