There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
