Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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