she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The beer is more important than you right now.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
