I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
