and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
And then my night got REAL pukey
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
