she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
