Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
