so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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