Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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