People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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