Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
