I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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