One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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