drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
