You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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