Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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