You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
