I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
