even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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