I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I am one with the molecules
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
