it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
