Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
