He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
