Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
