im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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