Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
