Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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