Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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