And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
