As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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