Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
