so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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