brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Shitshow foam night was such a success
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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