grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Randomize
