My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize