my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
