I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
