I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
did i just pee glitter
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
