I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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