I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
