Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
