I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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