Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
