I cannot find my penis.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
