worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
