I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
