oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I need water and some morals
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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