i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
