i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Randomize
