I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
