She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
