I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
