On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
