He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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