so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
