I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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