I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
