I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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