somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
high people should be assigned attendants
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
