Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
