Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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